Living a process

Happy Earth Day :). Shame we couldn't have yesterday's weather for the occasion today, but that is okay. Gradually the flowers on the trees give way to the rich and mature greens of Spring and Summer, and onward the march of seasons continues. It is a good day.

The end of the semester is coming, and with it my time as a college undergraduate. It is strange to me that even in the twilight of this final year of college I find myself writing more than ever. It began with all those papers last semester, continued with the thesis, and now manifests itself in copious amounts of letter writing, blogging, and the almost weekly assignments of Chinese politics.

I feel myself improving with the skill, even if it is not that good as yet. When I was younger, I was afraid to write anything I did not think was absolutely perfect. As proved the case quite often (or if we are honest, all the time), I gave up on projects because they did not seem well-enough written. In some respects I still feel that way, but it is better now than before. When writing the thesis, my research advisor required me to turn in some writing every week, even if I thought it was not so good. He often critiqued it harshly, and was many times confused where on Earth I was going with things. It was hard to give him writing I was not happy with, and then to suffer his questions and criticism, but when I think about the process now that it is finished, it may well have proved an important experience for me. Bad writing became better writing, if not entirely to my liking, but that is okay. Through the writing of the thesis, the act of writing became what it is for all good professionals; a process of artistic creation that evolves into its final form rather than flowing straight from mind to paper as a completed text. It was great, and even though I think the thesis could be written better, now that it is largely completed I am proud to call it my own. We did it! And what is more, I have learned so much in the process. This is, I think, a good thing.

More and more, I find the work I do guided by a new understanding, namely that the goal is not the finished product so much as the quality of the process that creates it. Many things I write are no good, but I love writing more today than perhaps at any other time in my life. I do it in spite of the feeling inside me that is unsatisfied with how it sounds, or what it argues. It is like with distance running; you don't have to be good if you enjoy what you're doing. It is wonderful to have something that you love doing simply because it is fun and interesting. Many things you might do do not start out that way, but given a little time and some quality effort, many things can become enjoyable and enriching to one's life. I have been blessed many times over in this regard, and though it is not uncommon to become frustrated with one's self sometimes, returning to the joyful feeling of simply doing is like a warm shower after a hard swim practice that cleans and enlivens the soul once more. 

These feelings are beautiful when I remember them, and the work I do while in their embrace makes me quite happy, and that is good I think.

Happy Earth Day, and Good Friday, and whatever else you might remember to keep this day, like all others, holy and good in your heart. Much love to JP, a source of inspiration for this post.