I must...

I've been wondering lately how often people think in terms of "I must [insert something here]." You probably have an idea what I mean. Consider some examples:

"I must date this girl or that guy." 
"I must attend this or that school." 
"I must travel to this or that exotic place."
"I must make more money than my parents."
"I must change the world."

It seems a strange figure of speech when framed that way. "Must" is such a strong word after all, denoting a rigid requirement, obligation, or imperative need. For example, to live I must eat - perhaps not now, but at some point. It's true of other things less fundamental, too; for example, to read, I must know how. It's a requirement, something you need to have or know how to do in order to fulfill the preceding condition.

Yet in daily thought and speech, we seem to use this word "must" in relation to things that may not always be requirements. Furthermore, they come to mind without a clearly defined preceding condition which requires something to alter it.

Consider again the first example above - "I must date this girl or that guy." Why must you date them? Nothing in that statement gives a reason you "must" do anything of the sort. It's like saying " I must eat" without including reasons; "because I am hungry" for instance, or "so I will continue to live." Hunger suggests a need for food, and eating is a requirement of life. So if one would continue living, one will sometimes eat.

But what is the rigid requirement in dating this girl or that guy?  Perhaps one wishes to marry? For some people, dating must precede marriage, so strictly speaking if one wishes to marry a specific guy or girl, he or she must date them first.

But why must it be this or that specific guy or girl? How does one know this Leanna or Harold might be a good marriage partner if one has never dated them? One doesn't - one must date them first to find out. But why date them if from the start their suitability for marriage is unknown? Ultimately one might conclude "I must date this girl or that guy, to see whether they might be someone I'd like to marry," but it doesn't provide insight into which specific person one should date in the first place. It only suggests that dating is a tool for determining suitable marriage partners.

I think the main point in this whole discussion is that when we use the phrase "I must...," critical thinking is aided if reasons for the requirement we make for ourselves are kept in mind, and mindfully examined. Why must I attend this specific school, if not for a specific reason? If we say, " I must attend Harvard because Harvard is a famous school," does that have the makings of an imperative need? "I must earn more money than my parents, because that is progress. We're better off than the previous generation." Yet is it, and are we really?

There do seem to be things in life we must do, if only because by doing them we initiate a favorable outcome. Without an outcome in mind, however, "I must" statements lack a critical dimension of meaning - they don't tell us why this particular task is so imperative Filling in those gaps may help one discern what must be done, and perhaps what is less essential. That's a good thing, right?