It came as an unwholesome shock to learn this morning that a student at my old college died last night, the victim (and yes, I mean victim) of suicide. Her name was Rachel Blunt, and she was 21 years old. I did not know her personally, though many of my old friends did, and it pains me to witness the outpouring of grief from their heavy hearts. I hope their words and mourning will provide a testament to Rachel's life, a fitting memorial in memory of a fallen friend.
I did not know Rachel personally, so I will not write a memorial for her in the usual sense; that is a task for others. Yet the manner of her death seems to demand something, for while the death of anyone in a community is sorely felt, a suicide is perhaps doubly so. Of ourselves we ask: could anything in our power have saved her? A simple act of kindness maybe? A smile perhaps, or a ready ear? What did she lack that made the crucial difference?
We might never know, but it matters despite it being after the fact. It matters, because while I believe suicide is ultimately a choice to which a person eventually comes, it is one framed by context, and shaped by forces not fully within that person's control. We may or may not be the "captain of our own ship" as the Stoics say, in full command of our own minds and faculties. But even a well-commanded ship is powerless to control the wind and waves and the course of other ships; that for better and worse, we are subject to forces beyond our capacity to order and command. And it is for that reason--among others--that I believe we are all at some level reliant upon each other, fellow travelers on a journey across this vast sea called Life.
From what I have heard, Rachel was a kind girl with a big heart. The Ursinus community and the world is impoverished by her loss. I hope in the coming days others will share their memories of a life which touched so many, and ended too soon.
To my old college and those in mourning, my heart goes out to you all.
Peace friends
jc
Update: Remembrance by the Ursinus College paper, "The Grizzly"
3/21/13
Rachel and I were good friends in high school but lost touch after I graduated. She was such a wonderful person. She will be missed.
ReplyDeleteThank you Jeff, I am Rachel's mom. I came across your wonderfully written blog post today, and I feel what you have to say is very important. As we remember her artfully lived life and her many close relationships, we also must face the fact that she did travel alone in her pain. No one can imagine what went through her mind when she made the ultimate choice, but it was hers solely. She knew she was loved, and many, many people reached out to help her along the way. Things do not always turn out the way we hope and pray, so we must simply (hard word) accept.
ReplyDeletePlease find me on Facebook, there is a lot there you might be interested in regarding Rachel's life and legacy. Thank you!
Martha Frase